There's a story now current, though strange it may seem
Of the great Kaiser Bill and his wonderful dream.
Being tired of his allies he lay down in bed
And among other things he dreamed he was dead
On leaving the earth to heaven he went straight
And arriving up there he knocked at the gate.
But St. Peter looked out, In a voice loud and clear
Said, "Begone Kaiser Bill, we don't want you here."
Then said the Kaiser, "That is very uncivil
I suppose after that I must go to the devil"
So he turned on his heel and off he did go
At the top of his speed to the regions below.
But when he got there he was filled with dismay
For whilst waiting outside he heard Old Nick say - (to his imps)
"Now look here boys, I give you all warning
I'm expecting the Kaiser down here in the morning,
But don't let him in for the warning's quite clear,
He's a very bad man and we don't want him here.
If he ever gets in we'll have no end of quarrels
In fact I'm afraid he'll corrupt our good morals"
"Oh Satan, my dear friend, the Kaiser then cried,
Excuse me for listening whilst waiting outside.
Oh do let me in, I'm feeling so cold
And if you want money, I've plenty of gold.
Let me sit in a corner no matter how hot."
"No, no," said Old Nicky, "most certainly not.
We don't admit folks for riches or wealth.
Here's some sulphur and matches, make a hell for yourself!"
So he kicked William out and vanished in smoke
And just at that moment the Kaiser awoke.
He jumped out of bed in a shivering sweat
And he said, "Well, that dream I shall never forget.
I shan't go to heaven, I know that quite well,
But it's really too bad to get kicked out of Hell."